I had better sex in prison.
A review by Mike Shea Movie Rating: ( 0) DVD Rating: ( * * * · · )
Ok, I knew this movie was going to hurt before I turned it on, but as my new personal hero, Tyler Durdon, says sometimes we have to sacrifice ourselves for the greater good. So I put my own sanity on the line so that you, dear reader, do not have to go through the pain I did. Let me get this out of the way and make sure this is perfectly clear to the reader who might not get my witty analogies or might miss my subtle sarcasm. Reindeer Games sucks bad. Even when they put the tasty Charlize Theron in and dress her up with a red wig, short skirt and thigh highs this still doesn't make it not suck. Even when they cast my new favorite no name actor next to Michael Ironside, Danny Trejo, it can't save this movie. Even when they dress Mr. Trejo up in sleevless open chest shirts in December, just so you can see the cool lady tattoo, this movie still bites.
Since we are talking about tattoos, lets get to the heart of what makes this movie bad. No matter how many fake tattoos you paint on Ben Affleck, he won't be a tough guy. Hell, I have more tattoos than this guy does (nothing like finding out your son has a tattoo over the internet, sorry mom) and it would take about eight seconds for me to be known as "bitch" in prison. I loved Affleck in Chasing Amy and Good Will Hunting where he managed played a truly real character. I can also forgive him for Armageddon, knowing that if you dangle enough money and Burger King marketing tie-ins (the guys responsible for turning the Back Street Boys into fucking super heroes) in front of someone, you could get Mother Thresia to co-star. Yes even now. But this movie has him pushing the bounds of reality farther than when Arnold Schwarzenegger played a pregnant woman in Junior, or worse yet, someone smart like in Twins!
I started this movie after a near miss with Holy Smoke which I thought was an Eddy Murphey movie, not a movie by the testicle eating bitch-queen Jane Campion. I figured I was due a bad flick after that but I wouldn't wish this movie one on anybody. After realizing that I haven't given you a thimble full of a plot summary, I considered sending you to a site that has a little bit about the movie, but I find this St. Paul Police site of recent Prostitution Arrests much more intriguing and intellectually stimulating than "Games", as will you I imagine. By the end of this movie, you realize that you watched a mystery for dumb people. Anyone with intelligence wouldn't care if it turned out that he had a plug in his head and was in a vat full of pink he-man slime, it would still suck. Dumb people on the other hand might get a charge out of being surprised, but finding out that Stone Cold Steve Austin's partner turned traitor on him would be just as exciting to this crowd.
The DVD itself can't be bashed too hard unless you feel the utter material of the film taints all things in the known universe. Since I am beginning to subscribe to this theory, I am docking it a star at least for this reason alone. It does have a Dolby Digital 5.1 soundtrack and a 16x9 enhanced 2.35 to 1 picture. Frankly I didn't look for any special features except how well it would fly into a wood chipper compared to Steve Buscemi.
Ok, I believe you got the point of this whole review. Let my sacrifice of sanity protect you from the pain that is Reindeer Games. Go see something with a bit more depth of character and drama like Mr. Nanny.
From: Amy ( avonlea@NOSPAMuswest.net ) on 30 July 2001
Subject: Ben's Tattoos
Here's the evidence to back up the earlier poster's claim.
It can be found at:
http://www.canoe.ca/JamMoviesArtistsA/affleck_ben.html
***************************
Monday, February 14, 2000
Regrets, He's Had a Few ...
By LOUIS B. HOBSON -- Calgary Sun
HOLLYWOOD -- Ben Affleck no longer wants to be an illustrated man.
Though he is one of Hollywood's hunks du jour, Affleck rarely appears shirtless in his movies.
It's because of the tattoos on his shoulders, arms and back.
The few times he has shed his clothes, the tattoos have been laboriously covered by makeup. "They have this incredible spray makeup," says Affleck. "It's the equivalent of being sand-blasted, but it leaves the tattoo undetectable."
In his latest film Reindeer Games -- which opens Feb. 25 -- Affleck's tattoos make their screen debut. "They were right for the character. I play a convict and it's pretty rare to get through a prison sentence without coming away without at least one tattoo."
Affleck got his first of a half-dozen tattoos when he was 16.
From: Mike ( mshea@liquidtheater.com ) on 21 June 2001
Subject: Ben Tattoo
Ok tough guy, send me a SOURCE!!
From: leah ( xxleahs2tallxx@cs.com ) on 21 June 2001
Subject: reindeer games:ben tattoo
Those tattoos were not painted, cool guy. They are real. Do your reasearch. Im not even that big of an Affleck fan and I know that.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License. You are free to copy, distribute, display, and make derivative works under the conditions that you give the original author credit and you not use this work for commercial purposes.
From: Mike ( mshea@liquidtheater ) on 2 August 2001
Subject: Ben's Tattos are real
Ok, I stand corrected. Thank you for providing some useful information on this subject and I apologise profusely to Ben Afflick for doubting his coolness. Of course he has yet to apologise to the rest of us for this piece of shit movie, so I don't feel too bad about it, and it was a good gag.