A review by Mike Shea   Movie Rating: ( * · · · · )    DVD Rating: ( * * · · · )

Buy Armageddon from

Ok, it is crap. But I have to say, it was better than Godzilla, and better than Deep Impact. There were so many scenes of Liv Tyler (major league hottie) crying and holding hands on monitors and throwing people around saying "Thats my family!" that I got over the initial nausea, but still had to search through the final layer of cheese between her and Bruce Willis. I mean, if that scene were a minute longer, my DVD player would have stopped itself. It was very painful. So, we have about two hours of complete and utter sentimental dysfunctional family crap, pain in the ass rock throwing, nudie bar hopping, unknown metal drilling, military take overs, nuclear detonator disarmament, crazy machineguning (why the fuck do they need a chaingun on the front of a driller?), crazy russian fuel docking explosions, Steve Buscemi duct taping and general Bruce Willis space suit smugness. Like most movies that are such crap, occasionally there is a little nugget of something that is worth a damn. In this movie we had one cool special effect (the meteor hitting France at track 21, the two hour mark of the movie) and one good sentimental scene totally carried by my man, Ben Afflick (the scene where Willis says "I always thought of you like a son" after almost killing him by pulling out his air tube in fucking space). I have to admit, I cried here, but I cried at Deep Impact too so sue me. Other than those two scenes (which make up less than two minutes of screentime) the movie blew. But like I said it is better than Godzilla and Deep Impact, so if you liked those at all, maybe you are the kind of brainless mole person that Hollywood thinks you are. Course then you probably watched it in Pan and Scan anyway, so who cares what the DVD was like. For those of us obsessive compulsive DVD drones, the DVD isnt too shabby. It has a pretty full Dolby Digital 5.1 soundtrack with decent rear effects, and a pretty decent picture even though it isnt Anamorphic. Overall, it was a fun couple of hours, but I cant see ever watching it again unless a girl wanted me to (yeah right, like I wouldnt be watching the friggin Horse Whisperer).