American Pie

God, thank you for this wonderful wonderful day.

A review by Mike Shea   Movie Rating: ( * * · · · )    DVD Rating: ( * * * * * )

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American Pie is a special kind of evil movie. I can't help but wish that I was in the board room with all the suits who decided to make the fact that their main character has intercourse with an apple pie their main ad campaign. If you don't believe me take a look at cover number one and cover number two. I mean, a whole movie who's centerpiece is the sexual assault of a baked good can't be that good. But I was actually surprised at some of the dialog which was indeed outside the bounds the original suits had when they came up with their teenage soft core porn idea. I fall back to one of my favorite reviewers, Mike Nelson, who stated that the wonderful thing about renting DVDs over the internet is the fact that you never have to say to another human being "I would like to see American Pie please." No need for a brown paper bag and a dirty trench coat anymore. The only other redeeming quality about my review of this film was the fact that I was alone. Within the first ten seconds of the film (you remember, the scene with the hands free sock puppet) I was glad even the boldest of my friends was 900 miles away. I feel personally embarrassed for the people who not only watched this with company, but mixed company. While a bit of the film actually had some good character interaction, the majority of it was guys adding new white headers to their friends beer (so to speak) and women describing new ways they learned to use a flute in band camp. I will say that this movie had my new favorite teenage actress, (actually, she is 22, but who is counting) Mina Suvari. It isn't just the fact that she played one of the only memorable characters in this movie or the fact that she played a perfect bitch in the movie American Beauty (a much better movie, almost a shame they get confused so much) but the fact that I am only one person removed from knowing her personally. Hell, I might even get an autograph! There are two versions of American Pie on DVD. The one I viewed is the unrated version (I can only imagine that the R version is about four minutes long). It has a very nice 1.85 to 1 16x9 enhanced picture, a 5.1 Dolby Digital soundtrack and a directors commentary. Not a bad disc at all. Frankly, if you are looking for a movie with the molestation of your grandma's favorite recipe, you just eerily found your match. Otherwise, stick to a good John Hughes movie or the latest release of "Where the Boys Aren't", a personal favorite.